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(no subject)

Sep. 4th, 2008 | 09:20 pm

i think i might be depressed.

i was cool until about a week and a half ago when i ventured into a walmart for the first time in many years. i'm not a huge walmart fan for two reasons, one being me trying to occasionally giving a shit who i give my money to, with the larger reason being it's probably the easiest place i know of to give myself an anxiety attack.

so a few days back i venture into the walmart to try to find mason jars, and end up wasting about 15 minutes behind four separate asshats in the four self checkout lanes. i find that standing in any sort of line usually makes me freak the fuck out, but nothing could compare to the anxiety, rage, and contempt i felt that day in the walmart.

i've been extraordinarily moody since then.

then today the ups guy stops by work. we're relatively friendly with the ups guys. he delivers a lot of shit to us, so we'll occasionally chat now and then. he's a strange dude. he carves pens out of deer antlers and sells them on ebay or something in his spare time. well he comes in today ready to bro down and says to me, "Brother, let me ask you a question. Is it wrong to want to bone the new VP? AMIRIGHT!?!?!" or something to that effect. at this point i figure we're all fucking doomed anyway.

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(no subject)

Oct. 23rd, 2006 | 06:20 pm

somehow my aim buddy list disappeared. if we talk on aim, like ever, feel free to comment with your name or just message me @ shoothypotenuse. i managed to remember like 6 peoples screen names, so assume i'm a jackass and forgot yours.

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(no subject)

Sep. 12th, 2006 | 01:31 pm
location: work
music: acrid

so i cleaned out two old boxes of stuff i've had at work for a while. in the course of doing this, i found a few odd things. i should probably take pics of all this, maybe i'll do that later. he's my bounty.

1x car stereo head unit
12x dvds
19x cds
1x osama bin laden wanted dead or alive shirt (which i've never owned nor seen, odd)
1x hawaiian "vendor gear" shirt from work
5x hats
6ishx old half smoked packs of cigarttes
1x 1.75L bottle of captain morgans
1x burt's bees almost milk hand creme
1x box of sea monkeys. seriously. sea monkeys.
1x lego astronaut
1x bag of cat food
1x dog leash
2x old cell phones
7x old cell phone chargers
1x ear muffs (sound protection, not weather)
9x random keys

weird shit.

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(no subject)

Aug. 30th, 2006 | 10:59 am
location: work
music: radiohead

so where to start...

i've been staring at this screen for half an hour and this is all i've been able to come up with. writing about not writing.

i don't even want to write, i just feel like i need to. like i need to document something. like putting it out there where i can see it and read it myself will help me to accept or understand it.

i feel like i haven't slept in days. i have, just not much. part of it's work. my on call has been rather hellish. part of it is me feeling like i'm cracking. i'm a rather guarded person in certain regards. to a fault. a huge fault. i've become incrredibly devoid of emotion. for a few years now i've just become less and less susceptible to feeling at all. i spend most of my time just being indifferent. it's not necessarily a bad thing. while sure, i miss out on certain highs, i also miss out on all of the lows, which i rather enjoy. i'm severely lacking a passion for anything. what really concerns me is this. i don't feel anything for people. no sense of attachment. no sense of need, or really even wanting. over the past few years i've just had a few fleeting feelings of whatever, but nothing really worthwhile. nothing memorable. but lately there's been this thing. randomly, out of nowhere, i get filled with this huge sense of dread. like i can feel this massive amount of misery boiling up inside of myself. i get to what i feel is like inches within of something like being depressed, then it subsides. it never gets worse or better, just seems to be happening with greater frequency. as of late there's just so much confusion. a strange brew of love, hate, and discontent all bottled up into one. maybe i'm not as indestructible as i think. maybe i've wrapped myself in some sort of self created lie that's slowly starting to unravel. mostly i'm just afraid that the latter is true. i'm scared to death of feeling.

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you know...

Jul. 13th, 2006 | 11:20 am
music: richmond fontaine

i kinda felt like posting something, just have nothing worth posting about. blah.

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(no subject)

Dec. 18th, 2005 | 01:26 am

fuck it.

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(no subject)

Oct. 30th, 2005 | 02:58 pm
music: chokehold


You fit in with:
Atheism



Your ideals mostly resemble those of an Atheist. You have very little faith and you are very focused on intellectual endeavors. You value objective proof over intuition or subjective thoughts. You enjoy talking about ideas and tend to have a lot of in depth conversations with people.


100% scientific.
80% reason-oriented.





Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

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revelations...

Jul. 11th, 2005 | 05:39 pm
mood: confusedconfused
music: deafening silence.

today has been the saddest day of my life. before i get to the heart of the matter, allow me give you a little backstory. recently i purchased the directv HDTV receiver with tivo for a whopping $700. i'll admit, it was worth any price. the receiver itself is pretty bad ass, and the picture quality of directv just blows cable away. at first, i had no complaints with my tivo, as it was a big step up over my previous tivo, which didn't receive HDTV signal. you see, my last tivo had this strange habit of recording HBO Latino, telemundo, univision, basically anything in spanish. i found it odd, as i didn't have any spanish broadcasts set up in my season passes, nor did i really watch much of anything with a latino flair outside of CSI Miami, and horatio cane is about as mexican as taco bell. i tried to fight it. any time i noticed a spanish broadcast i'd give it 3 thumbs down. it still wouldn't stop. so i wind up purchasing this new receiver i had been lusting over. the price dropped from 1000 to 700 and i had to get it immediately. i set up most of the same season passes as i had before. luckily, this one didn't seem to have any latin love. no hbo latino. no soccer games. in fact nothing but english broadcasts. then, a new nightmare slowly began. randomly my tivo would start recording various shows on it's own, most of which were in line with the type of stuff i usually watch. sports. history and crime shit. lots of mechanical and engineering shows. pretty manly shit, right? so bit by bit the tivo starts recording surprise by design. trading places. random shit on hgtv. i'm a little puzzled. this continues, week by week my tivo is gaining more audacity, as it starts recording these things in mass quantities. today, i come home from work, sit down on the couch, and turn on my tv so that i can watch around the horn and pardon the interruption (sports related shows on espn) as i wind down from work, and then i see it. my tivo has come out of the closet. it recorded the vagina monologues. i guess i should have seen the signs. this shouldn't come to me as such a shock. my tivo is en fuego. i mean liberace gay. and now that i compare these happenings with my last tivo, i've discovered that tivo's have their own personalities. it's AI gone insane. i guess i really don't have a choice buy to accept it. i'm debating trying to find my local chapter of pflag so i don't have to feel so alone. i want my tivo to know i still love it anyway. any comments would be a great help.

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(no subject)

Jul. 3rd, 2005 | 01:37 am

Jeff Buckley
You are 57 deep, 29 controversial, and 54 nice!
A beautiful heart but a soul as deep as an ocean. There's a reason why everyone loved Jeff.




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it's mine all mine.

Jun. 1st, 2005 | 02:42 pm
mood: fucking stoked

In a lifetime
Made of memories
I believe
In destiny

Every moment returns again in time
When I’ve got the future on my mind
Know that you’ll be the only one

Meet me halfway
Across the sky
Out where the world belongs
To only you and i

Meet me halfway
Across the sky
Make this a new beginning of another life.

In a lifetime
There is only love
Reaching for the lonely one

We are stronger when we are given love
When we put emotions on the line
Know that we are the timeless ones

Meet me halfway
Across the sky
Out where the world belongs
To only you and i

Meet me halfway
Across the sky
Make this a new beginning of another life.



Meet me halfway
Across the sky
Out where the world belongs
To only you and i

Meet me halfway
Across the sky
Make this a new beginning of another life.


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